“But you’re giving up so much. You could be so much, Avery.”

  “I’m not giving up anything by loving you, Christopher. I’m reaching for my stars. I’ve finally found a course that I’m not going to be swayed from.”

  He smiled at that and looked up at the ceiling. “You merely love me for my daughter.”

  I chuckled and ran my hand over his stomach and reached for his dick. He didn’t stop me. “No. I don’t think that’s really what came to mind when I fell for you.”

  I slung a leg over his body and slithered around until I was sitting on him, but we still had the blankets over us. I ground down on his growing erection.

  He placed his hands on my hips. “Are you sure you’re not just after another father figure to boss you around?”

  I leaned over and kissed him. “I have a father. His name is Brandon. I told him about you and he wants to meet you.”

  I reached down between us and unzipped Christopher’s trousers. I wanted to reassure him that I wanted him, and remind him how good it was between us. With his pants unzipped, I looked up into his face, waiting for instructions. I’d shown him I was willing; now he needed to show me he was prepared to lead.

  “Suck me,” he whispered, and I felt happiness steal over me. I smiled and immediately slithered down, pulling the blanket over my head so I was encased in my world. Christopher’s cock was hardening nicely, and I took it in my mouth without hesitation. I loved his dick. I loved it in my mouth. I loved it in my hand. I loved it in my body. I loved that with Christopher I could relax and be me—even if that meant being the insecure person I was.

  And the best thing about having Christopher’s dick in my mouth was that it made me forget about other things. Like Nick.

  “Christopher? Is Avery oka— Holy shit. Leaving. Sorry.”

  There was the sound of a door slamming. I paused.

  “No. Go on,” Christopher urged. “I doubt he’ll be coming back soon.”

  And I immediately trusted his word. When Christopher urged me to lie on my back, I did so without second thought, and was rewarded for my actions with Christopher taking me in his mouth.

  He was correct in saying that Nick wouldn’t be back. When we emerged from the bedroom some fifteen minutes later, Nick was in the lounge. He had his earbuds in and was bopping his head along to some music while checking his phone. He pulled the buds out when he noticed us there and gave me a worried look.

  “How’re you doing, Ave?”

  I was embarrassed. About the panic attack, not about Nick catching me sucking Christopher. The blankets had been over my head, after all, and if Nick really didn’t think we had sex, then it was time he realised. I leaned back against Christopher’s strong body.

  “I’m okay now. Thanks for getting Christopher to come over.”

  Nick stood up and held out his fist. I bumped it like macho men our age were supposed to do, then crumpled and grabbed him in a hug. He hugged me and patted my back with only a touch of awkwardness.

  “I’m always here for you,” he mumbled, and I squeezed him hard to let him know I heard.

  With a big sigh, I pulled back. “I’m heading over to Christopher’s house now.”

  “Okay,” he said with a happy smile. I was happy that he was happy for me. I knew he didn’t get my “professor crush,” but I also knew he approved of Christopher. “Mandy will be here any minute. She’ll keep me company tonight, because I’m assuming you won’t be home before eight tomorrow?”

  I laughed a little at his teasing. “I’m not sure if I’ll even be home then,” I said.

  He raised an eyebrow. “You have an early lecture, remember? The reason I remember is because your car was out of petrol last week and you dragged my sorry arse out of bed to drive you to uni because it was a subject you couldn’t miss.”

  And like that, my panic returned. But Christopher was there. He laid a comforting hand on my back. “It’s okay. I get up at seven to go to work, so you’ll have plenty of time. And I bet you even have time to reread your notes from last week before you have to leave.”

  I nodded. Yes.

  ~~~~~~~~

  Chapter Twelve

  It was sixty-three days since Richelle’s birthday. Nine weeks. I had counted because that party was when I realised something was between Christopher and me. It had taken me only a couple of weeks to realise it was love on my behalf. I wondered how long it would take Christopher.

  Two days after my panic attack, he’d presented me with a set of keys to his house. There was nothing overly romantic in his presentation of them to me. He simply pressed them into my hand and said, “The keys to my house. For you. Don’t lose them.”

  But they were on a key ring that was a leather strap, and a pewter letter A hung from it. The best part was it also had Mickey Mouse peeking from behind the letter. It was fun. It was personal. It wasn’t simply any old key ring.

  So on Saturday, exactly nine weeks after Richelle’s party, I was in Christopher’s kitchen baking a cake. An apple tea cake. I didn’t know why I was still trying to make Christopher a perfect cake. He wasn’t even home, as he had some work function thing on.

  My phone rang. I saw Angie’s name and I picked it up with a smile.

  “Hi, Angie.”

  “Where are you?” she said without greeting. Her voice was tight and flat.

  I frowned. “At home. Why? What’s wrong?”

  “Well, I’m standing on your doorstep and you’re not opening the door.” Her tone was pissed-off-better-do-as-I-say-right-now. She was a pain in the arse and I loved her for it.

  “Oh,” I said as I approached Christopher’s front door and pulled it open. I looked out and there she was, standing on my doorstep in a large black coat, avoiding the rain.

  She sighed. “So get off the toilet or out of the shower or whatever you’re doing that you won’t open the door to me, and let me in.”

  I stepped out onto the front doorstep and said, “I’m at your dad’s house.”

  She spun around and immediately began marching through the rain towards me, still talking on the phone. “Why didn’t you say that in the first place? Jeez. Men. They can never say what they really mean.”

  Uh-oh. One of those conversations coming up? My stomach clenched. This wasn’t a good sign. I held the door open and she marched inside, shedding her damp jacket as she did. She did, however, stop to drape the jacket over the back of a chair. She obviously knew her dad.

  “Drink?” I offered politely.

  “No, thanks,” she said. She looked furious as she threw herself down on the couch. I took the one opposite and looked for an opening.

  “So, to what do I owe the honour of this visit?” I asked lightly. “If I had known you were coming, I would’ve cleaned up a little.”

  I gestured to the immaculate lounge room, and Angie’s mouth twisted into a wry smile. She knew her dad’s place would never be anything but immaculate. She snorted and I knew it had broken the ice.

  “I came for some sympathy. Mum would just have mum-advice. Dad would have dad-advice. And Siobhan would have best friend-advice. I don’t want advice. I just want sympathy. So you’re it.”

  I looked for the insult, found it, and decided it wasn’t worth pursuing. If she wanted sympathy, then sympathy it would be. I liked it when the rules were clear.

  “Oh, dear,” I said, worried despite myself. “What’s happened?”

  “Men,” she ground out.

  Right. I forgot I had a penis and probed the sore spot. “What’s Josh done now?”

  With a huff, Angie crossed her arms across her chest and glared at a picture on the wall. Then she muttered, “He wants to marry me.”

  I blinked. I couldn’t help myself. The sarcasm poured out. “How dare he?”

  But Angie was in such a bad mood she missed the sarcasm and lapped up the sympathy. “I know, right? It’s such a bad idea. And when I told him no, he got upset with me. So he yelled at me and walked out.”

  Sympathy, I reminded myself. She was looking for sympathy. She’d specified she wasn’t looking for advice or help. She wanted sympathy.

  There was only one thing I had to check. “Uhh, just so I’m on the same page as you? What are your exact objections to marrying Josh?”

  The floodgates opened. “We’re too young to get married,” Angie said with exasperation. “I mean, I’m only twenty-one and he’s twenty-three. Of course we’re legally old enough to get married, but why? It’s true we’re in love with each other, but do we need to get married? No one I know my age is getting married. Even those with kids. We don’t need to get married these days to show commitment to each other, do we? I feel like he’s pressuring me into being old. I’m young. I still have my whole life ahead of me. I don’t know why he’s sprung this on me. And now I feel like the bad guy because I’m saying I love him with all my heart, but I just don’t want to marry him. Not yet. Maybe later.”

  Sympathy, I reminded myself again. I nodded and sighed. “Yes. I can see that. You know you’re right to refuse him.”

  “Exactly,” she said with triumph.

  “You’re also right to come and dump on me. I’m not going to be dispensing any advice. There’s nothing I know about marriage that I could help you with. So I’m going to sit here and agree with you. You’re right. And you’re right not to go to your mother. She’d be giving so much advice right now.”

  I’d spent some time with Richelle. I adored her. It seemed weird to think I adored the ex-wife of the man I loved, but it was true. She had it all together.

  I nodded at Angie. “Your mother would be urging you to accept the proposal,” I predicted. “I mean, after that conversation at the picnic the other week, it’s clear your mum is hanging out for grandchildren. I bet that she’s the one who planted the seed in Josh’s mind. She’ll be pushing for the marriage, and then once you’re married, of course you have to have a couple of babies immediately. You’ll be giving up your life. No fun and travel for you. I feel sorry for women having to do that. Your mum did that. As soon as you’re married, that’s life over until the kids move out.”

  It was utter bullshit. Richelle had actually vehemently said she didn’t want grandchildren yet. She said she was too young, and very involved in her career as a clinical psychologist. She didn’t want Angie or Eric to have babies until she could ease off on her workload a bit. Because then she would have the time to spoil her grandbabies.

  As I thought, Angie immediately went on the defensive.

  “Don’t be silly, Avery. There’s something known as birth control these days and they’re about zero percent failure rate. We don’t have to have babies immediately. Just because someone gets married, it doesn’t mean they have to settle down into maternal drudgery. I could be married and still work. I could be married and still travel the world. Getting married doesn’t change the rights and freedoms of women.”

  I looked at her with what I hoped conveyed my doubt at her words. “But getting married?” I asked. “That just stops all the fun. There are so many more places to see and people to meet. You may find someone that you like more than Josh. Then you’ll regret the marriage. I’m sure Siobhan will agree with me. You’re too young to be settling on the person you think you’ll love for the rest of your life. Your feelings will change. Your love will change, and then you’ll be trapped.”

  Angie was outraged. “I love Josh. I love him with everything in me. That’s not going to change. I may be only twenty-one, but we’ve been together since I was sixteen. This is the one for me. I know that. Meeting other people isn’t going to change my love. I hope I meet many more people in my life—as friends.”

  I nodded. “But you’re still right to refuse him,” I said with as much seriousness as I could muster. “I’m glad your dad isn’t home, because he would be ranting right now. Your dad’s the practical one and he’d be telling you all the reasons not to get married. Things like you don’t have plans in life, you don’t have financial security, you don’t have supportive jobs….”

  I ended my sentence with a mournful nod and a shrug. Angie jumped on that argument too.

  “Josh and I are in a great position now. We’re only young, so we know we’re just on the start of our journey. We’ve bought a house, which is a lot more than others our age have done. We’re working hard at it. We have plans for the future. Concrete plans. It’s not like we’ve only been together for a year. We’ve been planning our lives forever.”

  “But marriage will derail that,” I told her.

  “How?” she demanded. “How can a ceremony, a ring, and a bit of paper change anything? We would still carry on exactly like we were before.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know, Angie. How does a ceremony, ring, and bit of paper change anything? You tell me. You’re the one balking at the marriage proposal.”

  She glared at me in silence. I waited.

  “You’re not supposed to dispense advice, remember?” she finally said.

  I held up my hands to show my innocence. “Hey, I’ve dispensed nothing. I’ve agreed with everything you’ve said, and now I’ve asked you for your opinion.”

  More silence. Angie’s glare lost some of its sting.

  “So do you think I should marry Josh?” she asked quietly.

  I answered honestly. “I think it has nothing to do with me. Or your parents. Or Siobhan. Or even what other people your age do. Getting married is purely between you and Josh. To me, it sounds like you’ve always planned to get married, and it’s just that Josh’s proposal now was unexpected.”

  “I’m too young,” she insisted.

  I nodded. “Okay. But you need to make sure Josh realises you’re not rejecting his love, only his proposal.”

  She frowned. “But I do want to marry him. Just not now.”

  I smiled. “That’s called an engagement, my dear. It’s an agreement to get married sometime in the future.”

  “Oh.” She looked at her hands and I guessed that the idea of an engagement had never crossed her mind. “If I get engaged, do you think my dad is going to go apeshit at me?”

  My heart sank in my chest.

  “Yes,” I said quietly. “Probably not ‘apeshit.’ But I think he’ll try and talk you into a long engagement. He’ll think you’re too young.”

  She frowned again and gave me a considering look. “Really? Dad got married when he was twenty-two. I was born before he turned twenty-four. He was my age.”

  I shrugged. “I’m a year older than you are now, Angie. You father still thinks I’m too young to fall in love and know that I want to be with him forever.”

  Her face blanked for a moment before her mouth opened with astonishment. “What do you mean? Aren’t you guys together now? Like officially? Forever?”

  It was my turn to frown. I shook my head. “No. I mean, I love your dad and I’ve told him that. But he tends to dismiss it each time. I’m not sure if he doesn’t believe me or if he doesn’t want to hear it. But we’re definitely not together officially. He’d probably really flip if I called him my boyfriend.”

  Angie’s mouth fell open wider. “What? No way. We’ve been calling you his boyfriend since Mum’s birthday. Even to his face. And he never once denied it or refuted it.”

  I didn’t believe her. “I’m sure he was just being polite. I’m sure he needs more convincing that I’m really in love with him. He doesn’t seem to trust me when I say he’s everything I want and need.”

  “But you love him, right?” she stressed.

  “Of course,” I immediately said. “But he’s still making up his mind about me.”

  Her expression could only be described as incredulous.

  “Oh, for God’s sake. My dad fell for you ages ago.”

  I gave her a pitying smile. “That’s sex, Ang. To love me is to accept all of me, and that’s a big ask. I mean, look at me. I’m a part-time nothing. Part-time work, part-time study, part-time lover. I’m flaky. I can never make decisions, and if I do make a decision, I’m easily swayed. Putting up with that is no small feat. I mean, the other day I had a panic attack like a child because I was scared to go to uni. Your dad won’t want to support that. I look at your mother and see the type of person he was married to for years. And they’re still friends. Your mum has it together so much. Me? A part-time nothing. Of course he’s not going to fall for me.”

  With perfect timing, I heard the key in the front door. Christopher was home. I looked at Angie with panic.

  “Please don’t say anything,” I begged. I knew that if she embarrassed Christopher and pushed him into a corner, he would bolt. And leave me behind.

  Angie got a determined look on her face as she stood up and turned to greet her father. Christopher’s face lit up as he noticed us in the lounge room.

  “Hey. Two of my favourite people in the world. I saw your car at Avery’s, Angie. I hoped you’d come and visit your old man.”

  Angie didn’t say hello. She marched toward him and my heart sank.

  “You’re an idiot,” she stated firmly, glaring at Christopher and crossing her arms. “I hope I don’t have those genes.”

  “Wha—?” Christopher spluttered, but Angie wasn’t listening.

  “You’ve never told Avery you love him? That’s cruel. The guy is stressed and worried about the future and you couldn’t even be bothered to open your mouth and reassure him that you love him? What are you waiting for, Dad? You know that sometimes if you wait too long the conditions change and you’ve lost your window. You’re logical and methodical, but I never thought you were dumb. Weigh up the variables, Dad. If you don’t tell Avery you love him soon, he’ll lose interest and move on to another anchor. You’d better tie up to a buoy soon or he’ll drift away on the tide.”

  I stood in the middle of the room, dying slowly in mortification. My brand-new set of keys was going to have to be returned. And soon.

 

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